The Conversation

Home
11/13/05
11/14/05
11/15/05
11/16/05
11/17/05
11/18/05
11/19/05
11/20/05
11/21/05
11/22/05
11/23/05
11/24/05
11/25/05
11/26/05
11/27/05
11/28/05
11/29/05
11/30/05
12/01/05
12/02/05
12/03/05
12/04/05
12/05/05
12/06/05
12/07/05
12/08/05
12/09/05
12/10/05
12/11/05
12/12/05
12/13/05
12/14/05
12/15/05
12/16/05
12/17/05
12/18/05
12/19/05
12/20/05
12/21/05
12/22/05
12/23/05
12/24/05
12/25/05
12/26/05
12/27/05
12/28/05
12/29/05
12/30/05
12/31/05
1/1/06
1/2/06
1/3/06
1/4/06
1/5/06
1/6/06
1/7/06
1/8/06
1/9/06
1/10/06
1/11/06
1/12/06
1/13/06
1/14/06
1/15/06
1/16/06
1/17/06
1/18/06
1/19/06
1/19/06
1/20/06
1/21/06
1/22/06
1/23/06
1/24/06
1/25/06
1/26/06
1/27/06
1/28/06
1/29/06
1/30/06
1/31/06
2/1/06
2/2/06
2/3/06
2/4/06
2/5/06
2/6/06
2/7/06
2/8/06
2/9/06
2/10/06
2/11/06
2/12/06
2/13/06
2/14/06
2/15/06
2/16/06
2/17/06
2/18/06
2/19/06
2/20/06
2/21/06
2/22/06
2/23/06
2/24/06
2/25/06
2/26/06
2/27/06
2/28/06
3/1/06
3/2/06
3/3/06
3/4/06
3/5/06
3/6/06
3/7/06
3/8/06
3/9/06
3/10/06
3/11/06
3/12/06
3/13/06
3/14/06
3/15/06
3/16/06
3/17/06
3/18/06
3/19/06
3/20/06
3/21/06
3/22/06
3/23/06
3/24/06
3/25/06
3/26/06
3/27/06
3/28/06
3/29/06
3/30/06
5/19/06
5/20/06
5/21/06
5/22/06
5/23/06
5/24/06
5/25/06
5/26/06
5/27/06
5/28/06
5/29/06
5/30/06
5/31/06
6/1/06
6/2/06
6/3/06
6/12/06
6/13/06
7/3/06
7/4/06
7/5/06
7/6/06
7/7/06
7/8/06
7/9/06
7/10/06
7/11/06
7/14/06
7/15/06
7/16/06
7/17/06
7/23/06

Dear Kim:

Getting ready for surgery is like a part time job.

I was at the hospital today for several hours. I had to have blood work, an EKG, urine test, chest x ray.

All in different departments. All meant waiting.

The doing of all this is beginning to make the surreal prospect of surgery more real.

The only thing that is real to me right now is the huge fight I have had with my parents about all this since coming back.

They are angry that I have postponed having this done. That I went off to California to write instead of having surgery.

What they probably are is worried but it takes the form of chastising.

When I got back from the hospital today, I told them I really didn’t want to have to have a hysterectomy, that I was concerned about it for all sorts of reasons.

My father got angry and reeled off some classic shrink line. So do you think you will feel like less of a woman if you don’t have a uterus?

(Kim: My mom felt the same way about me having a vasectomy. Though she was against me doing it for the same Freudian reasons.)

I told him, I didn’t know. How could I know what I will feel until it happens? But that I didn't think it had anything to do with feeling like a woman.

I just didn’t want stuff being taken from me. It was my stuff. And I wanted to keep my stuff.

Like when I stopped having my period. It wasn’t that I lamented the loss of my childbearing years or some presumed marker of femininity. It was that having my period was one way that I know myself. It had been a monthly experience for most of my life. And to have that shift, whether good or bad, was a change.

Later,

Joan

Wed., March 29, 2006

Next